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Maughan Hub: Man absolved of worldly sins after accidentally using the wrong Discord server

Maughan Hub: Thanks to KCL, Four More Strains of Covid-19 Exist

Maughan Hub is a series of articles written by KCL’s Comedy Society members, published on Wednesdays. We hope they entertain you wherever you are!

“Through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned—” (Romans 5:12)

O holy father, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, ruler of all Princes and Commanders. Today, we kneel before you to ask for forgiveness. Specifically, we pray that you absolve your son, @robinofthehood, of his sinful ways.

In a time of loneliness, when one must turn to Jesus, your son turned instead to the Comedy Society discord, entitled “Hot Girls In Your Area.” It was later revealed, however, that @robinofthehood is not a KCL student; he, an adult man, joined the server based on the name alone, to seek intimate reprieve. He has erred from the path of the Lord in thought, and word, and deed.

For this, o father, we humbly ask you to forgive him for this sin. Though we were all creeped out and unnerved, we rose to follow your teachings — and because it was lockdown, we forgave him. Now, we humbly request that you forgive him, too. Bestow your mercy and blessings upon him, raise him from sin, and turn him to the light.

O holy father, we live and die in sin. The temptations of provocatively named group chats are not our punishment, but our learning and our comfort in the warm love of our saviour. When you test us most, o Lord, by keeping us from our loved ones and trying our patience in an age of sinful self-gratification, it is when the lowly fruits of sin tempt us most.

O father above, it is in sin that we learn from our ways. Though our pursuits are laden with blind, naïve sin, you give us never more than we can handle. In opening the path of sin to your son @robinofthehood, you showed him a place of compassion, friendship, and excel-lent memes. It is from this good spirit and forgiving love that we learn from our erroneous ways, and by which you have turned your son to the light.

In your name, we ask for absolution. All good, beauty and creation are yours, and our direction is forged by your will. Though we are not worthy even to gather up the crumbs under your table, it is your nature always to have mercy. We do not expect it or plead of it, but ask for it through love and compassion.

All power and honour and glory are yours. In the name of the father, son and holy spirit, amen.

Join our discord here: https://discord.gg/2eD2ddF

Collector of Tesco clubcard points.
Twitter.com/louisjacques_

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