Maughan Hub: Americans Require All AR-15s Sanitized Before Entering Schools

Maughan Hub is a series of articles written by KCL’s Comedy Society members, published on Wednesdays. We hope they entertain you wherever you are!

“The health and safety of our students is our utmost concern,”

Following consecutive weeks of record-setting coronavirus case numbers, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has released his strictest Covid-19 measures yet. Under the new orders, all AR-15s and similar guns would have to be properly disinfected before the user can lawfully carry them into a school, or any other public setting.

“The health and safety of our students is our utmost concern,” said DeSantis of the new measure, “as we begin to reopen schools, we must make sure that all assault weapons of any type do not expose our students and teachers to a deadly round of virus particles. In the interest of public health, Lysol Wipes and a copy of the Second Amendment will be provided to all those entering schools with guns.”

Included in the measure are guidelines for socially distancing during active shooter drills, which, as Desantis notes, “demonstrates how Florida is boldly leading the nation through one of its many public health crises.”

There is still no mask mandate in Florida.