Staff Writer Maeve Relihan reviews Shari Franke’s book, where the eldest daughter of the ‘8 Passengers’ family shares her perspective on its downfall and the risks of family vlogging.
Just a week into 2025, Shari Franke – unwitting child vlogger turned author – published her first book, ‘The House of my Mother‘. Her memoir became an instant New York Times Bestseller, and remains on the list eight weeks later.
The Rise (And Fall) Of ‘8 Passengers’
Shari rose to YouTube fame (alongside the rest of her household) as part of the ‘8 Passengers’ family vlogging channel, set up in 2015 by her mother, Ruby (Chapter 8: A Star is Born). After 8 years and with suspicion mounting online surrounding the mum-vlogger’s parenting methods, the ‘8 Passengers’ legacy exploded.
On the 30th of August 2023, Ruby and Jodi Hildebrandt (her counsellor turned lover and partner in crime (Chapter 44: Rings of Remembrance) were arrested on the grounds of child abuse against the two youngest Franke siblings.
Shari’s subsequent memoir provides unique insight into her life even prior to the birth of the ‘8 Passengers’ channel. Most importantly, though, it details the true and disturbing extent of being raised by Ruby, and (more broadly) being raised on camera.
A Cautionary Tale
Shari’s book comes at a time when family vlogging continues to grow in popularity. With the success of YouTube channels like ‘Dad V Girls’, yet more influencers are turning to social media to make a living through family-based content.Yet, in ‘The House of my Mother’, Shari makes a wholly compelling case for its unethical nature.
In the Franke household, Ruby’s camera became ‘omnipresent’, stripping genuine family moments of authenticity in a bid for picture-perfect content. In order to put children first, Shari states the necessity of ‘regulating, or outright banning’ family vlogging. From the pen of one whose childhood was, in part, defined and destroyed by it, this statement presents itself as impossible to contest (Chapter 49: It Ends Here).
The obvious argument against parading kids on the internet is protecting them from the gaze and abuse of pedophiles. The 8 Passengers channel, though, is a terrible allegory for the more covert dangers of family vlogging. No matter how much a child appears to be enjoying their participation, the consumer never knows what is going on behind closed doors. What is worse, they never know what kind of abuse they could become complicit in through their viewership.
Less sinister, perhaps, there is also no way to tell how a child will take in ten years or so, to their most precious, private, or embarrassing moments being online for all to see. Shari ponders the lasting implications of growing up on camera, and how it may shape a child’s fundamental understanding of privacy, consent, and sense of self. She details being asked (and agreeing) to share the news of having her first period, for instance – though at times the children may have consented to being on camera, it cannot be said that they ever truly had a choice.
Ultimately, her narrative of growing up online is an urgent one, and a necessary cautionary tale for our modern age.
Surviving Ruby
In the final chapters, Shari looks ahead to a life lived unlearning the damage of her mother’s narcissism. She makes an unofficial (but justified) diagnosis of her mother as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This ‘complex disorder’, as Shari defines it, is ‘a pervasive pattern of grandiosity’ and ‘need for admiration’. (Chapter 49: It Ends Here)
Her memoir is a must-read for those suffering, or indeed healing, from the impact of narcissistic abuse. Shari’s journey to acceptance after her mother’s arrest is a story of liberation, and a reminder that there is life after narcissism.
At times leaning into a flowery and overly-descriptive prose style, Shari is an author clearly taking her first tentative steps into the literary world. However, for readers, her handling of her subject matter will far outweigh this kind of technical hang-up.
Her inclusion of diary entries from throughout her life provides an effective supplement to the reflections in her memoir. In order to place her readers truly in the thick of the horror she endured, Shari transports them directly to her lived experiences as she recounted them first-hand. This provides some of the book’s most arresting moments.
As for the effects of the internet on narcissistic behaviour, Franke describes social media to be ‘like throwing gas on an already raging fire’. It is easy to see how YouTube could have become an obsession for Ruby, with Shari describing how, to a narcissist, ‘every like and comment becomes a hit of validation’, providing temporary relief for ‘deep-seated insecurity’. (Chapter 49: It Ends Here)
Yet, her dedication to not outright demonising those with NPD – in a time where terms like ‘narcissist’ and ‘gaslight’ are the internet’s favourite mental health buzzwords – is a refreshing read. Shari nods towards online personalities who use their platform for good, documenting their experience of living a life with narcissism that does not harm others.
Though she makes no excuses for Ruby, Shari sympathises with her ‘fragile sense of self’, and need to maintain an ‘image of perfection’ (Chapter 49: It Ends Here). This is not only a credit to Shari’s graciousness in the aftermath of abuse, and her ability to heal, but a stark and thought-provoking reminder of how varying two human perspectives on the same, shared experience can be. Ruby’s experience of victimhood, as the book highlights, is no less real, personally, than Shari’s is to her.
Life after ‘8 Passengers’
Now, an Instagram post from December 2024 shows Franke flexing her hand (complete with a diamond-clad ring finger) for the camera, revealing her engagement. She announces in the caption that the post marks ‘the end of [her] sharing her private life’, and that she will not be talking about her ‘wedding, future husband, or future kids’ moving forward.
Having read the book, this post represents a poignant full-circle moment for Shari that resonated with me, and is sure to touch all others that come to know her story. Finally reclaiming her well-deserved privacy, Shari has grown, against all odds, into a young woman ending the vicious cycles of abuse. Here, she takes charge of her own story, with ground-breaking honesty and bravery in ‘The House of my Mother.’
