Roar writer Diya Nadeem interviews Kelly Rutherford, an actress best known for her performance as Lily van der Woodsen in the CW Network’s hit show “Gossip Girl”.
Actress and entrepreneur Kelly Rutherford has been a role model to many after her days as Lily van der Woodsen on the CW show “Gossip Girl”. In an interview with Roar, Rutherford gave us words of wisdom along with details about her experiences in the business world and her time performing in “Gossip Girl”.
Roar: Could you tell us a bit about the projects you are working on at the moment?
Kelly Rutherford: Right now, I’ve been working with this platform called “Whyzzer”, which is super cool and it’s all about sharing knowledge and expertise. So, it’s an app, it’s on the App Store, you can download it, but we haven’t launched it yet. We have creators on board to share their knowledge and expertise, we can follow people, and share that knowledge and expertise in many different subjects. It’s sort of taking Instagram and what we share there, and it uses what we’re good at. It’ll be fun for creators and you can tailor it, a bit, so creators can engage with people that say “hey, we’d love to hear more about this, or that”. It’s just more engagement so we can better understand what people are interested in learning about or hearing about.
R: How is the business world different to what you are used to?
K: Yeah, it’s very different. As an actress, you go to work and you have a script and everything’s sort of done, you just show up. All the writing, the putting it together, the financing, the permits to film, the location, so much work has been done by the time I show up and it’s sort of reverse engineering that. So, even on projects I’m starting to develop and produce myself, you realise why it takes so long. It’s helpful to have been in the industry for a time and, you know, that all helps a lot, and at the same time you can’t speed up the writer who’s writing the script and the different drafts it takes. So, in a long-winded way, I’m saying it’s very different because you are looking at all the different aspects versus just your aspect.
R: Do you think you’ve faced any difficulties being a woman in business?
K: You know, that conversation at this point in life is an interesting one because I think we keep ourselves disempowered by continuing to talk about it, in that way. So, how do we raise our frequency where we don’t even acknowledge it exists anymore? It’s not that it didn’t exist in history, that things didn’t happen, and not that we don’t hold people accountable today, that do things that are not cool, right? Whatever we focus on expands, so let’s focus on where women are doing great and already supporting each other. And, you know, we were talking about a project recently that I’m doing and they were like “oh, we need a woman director” and I said, “no we don’t, we need the best director for this project”. We don’t need to check all those boxes. You know, everyone throughout history has been a victim of something, we all have. In our personal lives, we’ve felt that way, in our religions and race, whatever. We could all complain, cause history’s history. But the only way to shift that is to focus on today. So basically, no. I just don’t think that way. It’s just not a part of my field of thinking anymore.
R: Do you have any advice for someone who wants to start a business?
K: Realise that it’s gonna take a lot of different steps and that you’re not gonna know everything and that resources are incredibly important – that you call on the resources that you have. That’s gonna be the biggest expander of your business. And again, I think it’s really just loving it, like with anything. Going into acting is not like a “woo let’s go become an actress”. It took a certain amount of resilience and I think it’s the same with any business you start. And there are times you go, “what did I get myself into” and “why did I even come up with this, it was a horrible bad idea”. But, you know, it’s really truly like anything, isn’t it? It’s like a relationship, you just have to be willing to know that there will be those moments that are going to be overwhelming, but you do have resources and that’s the key to remember. There’s gonna be someone you know who can help you with a particular part who will help you get over that hump.
R: As a hard-working mother, actress, and entrepreneur, what does your day-to-day look like?
K: It’s different every day. Different things require different amounts of attention every single day – every single moment. So, it’s just staying present and doing your best to be in a good mood and be adaptable. My day looks completely different all the time. One week I’m in the countryside, the next week I’m travelling with my kids, the next I’m in New York filming a movie – you know, a lot of it, it’s just staying open and doing the thing in front of you that’s the most important at that time.
R: That sounds very stressful! How do you deal with those moments of stress?
K: I write. I think the first thing is to acknowledge that you are stressed and just say “I’m feeling stressed, and what can I do to do something nice for myself?” because that’s really what it comes down to. We are not here on the planet to be stressed, it’s just not what we’re here to do. It’s a created phenomenon – to be stressed out. It’s not our natural flow. So, when you get stressed out, you go “oh okay, this isn’t natural”. You find the ways in which you will bring the joy back, the humour back, the present back to what you’re doing. We aren’t meant to be stressed, we all get stressed of course in today’s world, but just remember that’s not what we are here to do. And we’re not really of service to anyone when we’re stressed. We’re not really being useful or helpful to anyone when we’re stressed out.
R: A lot of people do skincare for stress relief, and you have flawless, age-less skin. What’s your secret?
K: Oh my gosh! I think a lot of it is just diet and eating well, and I don’t drink too much. I used to smoke cigarettes for years, but then I quit, so I’m thankful! But, you know, I think a lot of it is just eating pretty well. I’ve always eaten pretty well, like organic and healthy. And just stay hydrated. There’s so much being sold to everyone now, I say it to my daughter being a teenager, there’s so much out there being sold to us in terms of skincare when, sometimes, it’s just so simple. I mean, I was travelling so much for a while that I bought this Avène body cream, which is just very simple, and I use it for everything. I use it to take off my makeup, I use it as a cream, I use it as a body cream – it’s simple. I think sometimes, as you get older, a little Retinol and Vitamin C are good for the skin, but most of it is health and well-being, what we’re eating, and not being too stressed.
R: Going back to your “Gossip Girl” days, it’s all over Instagram and TikTok that you are the real-life Lily van der Woodsen. Do you see any resemblance between yourself and the character?
K: Yeah, when you do a show like “Gossip Girl” you help create the character. So, I think a lot of working with Eric Daman and making it realistic came from a lot of what I knew. It was a combination of the two of us and our knowledge of this world. And, of course – yes – I’m an actress, but I also love fashion, and I also love home design and art, and there’s so much that I’m interested in, so I tried to bring all of that to that character. And, so, maybe, yeah, that’s where the overlap is. I bought a lot of my own style to the character. And you know, obviously not every day, I’m not Lily van der Woodsen, but sort of the style of it, yeah.
R: So, fashion was a vital part of Gossip Girl: the fashion, the accessories, the shoes. Can you remember what your favourite piece of clothing or accessory on the show was?
K: Oh my Gosh! Well, there were so many. I don’t have a favourite, I just remember the cool part about calling different brands or talking to Eric about reaching out to this brand or this person to wear it. Like Van Cleef & Arpels, to be able to wear – for the wedding – this beautiful dress and the beautiful Van Cleef jewellery. So, that’s what was really fun, having them respond and send us really cool stuff.
R: In regards to yourself, do you have a favourite bag or accessory or is there anything you can’t leave the home without?
K: Wow, well I have to leave with my glasses! (laughs) That’s the one thing I can’t live without, my reading glasses. But, it’s funny, I like to change things up, you know? For a long time, I loved Hermès, but I think it’s become this trend, where so many people have it now. And posting it, it’s just become this thing. So, a lot of the brands that were fun to me ten years ago are now kinda like, I wanna do something different. When I bought my first Hermès bag, I had worked on a series and saved my money to buy this bag, because Grace Kelly had that bag, but none of my friends had that bag, you know? Twenty-five years ago nobody was wearing those. So, I guess when it comes to my own personal style, it’s about what’s not being done and what I can do to be doing something that’s fun, that I feel like is the new thing, even though I love the classics. I post a lot on Instagram about the accessories that I’m wearing now that I love and the brands that I’m discovering. So, for me now, the part that’s always been interesting is the discovery. Sustainable brands or female brands, brands that women are starting and supporting, things that are global. But, when I leave the house, I never know. I guess my dogs, my kids, my reading glasses. My keys!
R: I noticed on your Instagram there are a lot of Interior design, fashion, and inspirational quotes. Do you have a favourite quote, if you can remember?
K: There’s not one in particular, but the theme of it being that I believe we came from love and we go back to love, this is all sort of a play of contrast that we’re living in. There’s a lot of polarity going on in the world today, playing out on the media, and it’s really our ability to stay neutral and to observe and to pick and choose. The quotes that I post are about an awareness of that, in some way. I was just listening to something before we got on, about how things are created twice, first in the mind and then outwards. So, the designer who creates their clothes first thought of it and then it was created. It’s the same with anything we desire. That whole process of viewing the world in that way is interesting. So that’s kind of what the quotes are about, a different view.
R: You talk a lot about wellness, is there anything specific you do to increase mindfulness and your wellness?
K: Yoga is really good, I did that for many years. Getting quiet and daydreaming. I really have to step away from my phone, so I can sit on the sofa and just look out and sit with the dogs and give myself a minute to just be and not have to be doing. Even if it’s not meditation, just sitting down in a quiet room with your own thoughts is so rare now. I’m also always eating organic at home, since I left home at seventeen I’ve always done biodegradable and healthy. I’ve just always gone as natural as possible. That’s really my wellness thing, if you stay close to nature and the things that are surrounding you in your home are natural – like I love beeswax candles because they actually clean the air. I tend to go to health and healing through natural things, as much as I can.
R: You mentioned, you left your home at seventeen. Do you have any advice for our readers, who are around the same age, leaving home and entering unfamiliar territory?
K: Yeah, there’s a lot of pressure on us. A lot of pressure to go to college, a lot of pressure to decide what you want to do, and it’s a process. What’s more fun is really what your purpose is. How can I make myself useful and useful in the way that aligns with the things I’m interested in and that I enjoy doing? Because we aren’t all born the same for a reason, because we’re each supposed to bring our purpose to the world. I didn’t go to college, I made a choice not to, and I’m happy I chose not to. When I was younger I felt a lot of pressure that I didn’t go to college, but I know a lot of people who went to Harvard and great schools that have absolutely no common sense whatsoever about life. And then there are people that never went to college and they’re some of the smartest people I ever met. You know, they explored on their own. They read philosophy, they travelled, they explored and read things to educate themselves. So, to me, it’s not whether you go to college or whether you didn’t go to college, it’s who you are as a human being and how you develop as a person. It’s the most important thing in the entire world.
We’ve all become worker bees, we all just follow the crowd, we all just have to check the boxes for our parents and check the boxes for society, but that doesn’t make an innovative society. We’ve gotten so far away from the philosophers and the artists and the Leonardo da Vinci’s of the world and the poets, and this is what made life rich. That soup, you know, of those people, who took those long walks and channelled things.
I would just say, you don’t have to follow the crowd, you know? It doesn’t always feel good to not follow the crowd, sometimes you feel really weird. Like, I felt weird a lot my whole life because I liked to talk to animals and be in nature and connect with things that other people don’t connect with, and yet, with me playing Lily van der Woodsen, you’d never know that. I prefer quiet, and when I’m on my own I don’t listen to music, the TV doesn’t go on. I like to walk in nature, and write, and read.
So, I guess just be who you want to be. Don’t follow everybody else and, if you feel weird, sometimes it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing to feel like you don’t fit in. Oh, and know you have to buy your own toilet paper and toothpaste and laundry detergent. When I left home, I thought it came with the house! (laughs) That’s my practical advice.
Follow Kelly Rutherford’s social media on Instagram and Twitter.
