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Reggie Responds #21

Welcome to Reggie Responds, Roar’s advice column! Our columnists are here to provide you helpful, or maybe not so helpful, advice. Tune in on Fridays to see what they have to say about your problems.

Q: How do I stop putting my crush on a pedestal, to a point where I can only see their strengths in comparison to all of my flaws? He seems to have his life together (confidence, intelligence, popularity, career, etc.) – I can’t help but doubt myself and feel inferior. He also has an amazing girlfriend already. It’s less so that I want to be with him, and more so I want to be like him; I admire him so much that I feel the need to gain his approval. I already tried distancing myself away from him and started focusing on myself, but he’s ended up in my class so now I can’t avoid the torture of seeing him every week. I’m usually a bubbly, talkative person, but whenever I’m anywhere near him I become super shy, awkward, anxious, and end up saying the stupidest things (which I overthink for days on end).

Nikita: I know I’ll sound a hundred years old when I say this, but I truly do miss having a giddy, all-encompassing crush on someone. The last time I felt that way was probably back in high school, and while I don’t miss the insecurities and anxieties that come with something like that, I do admit that having a crush on someone is — among other things — just really…fun.

First and foremost, I’m glad you’re respectful of this person’s relationship. I think when it comes to dealing with something like this, it’s important to visualise how you would want to look back on it. Would you rather think back to a time when you were giddy with happiness (while simultaneously living your own life to its fullest), or would you rather be filled with regret at how you let something as minuscule as a crush on someone take up such a big part of your life? When you feel yourself going down a spiral of anxiety-fuelled insecurities, stop for a moment and challenge your thoughts — what’s to say that something you find embarrassing right now won’t be funny two months down the road?

Liking someone (or dating them) is great and it’s fun, but it’s also very important to remember that relationships don’t define who you are. They’re a part of your life — some last, many don’t, and that’s perfectly alright. But amidst all of that, it’s very important to not lose sight of who you are as an individual. I’d say, try to distance yourself from them as best as you can. Just because they’re in the same class as you doesn’t automatically mean that you have to talk to them — give yourself the time and space to move on.

Also, I think it’s really important to stress that he probably doesn’t have his life together — (really, who does?) — and only looks like he’s put together. Most of the time, people just show what they want others to see, not what’s actually happening under the surface.

And remember, nothing says I’m over you like scream-shouting to break-up songs with your best friends while you nurse a pretend heartbreak, so while you’re at it — go stream “Red (Taylor’s Version),” out now!

If you want to submit a question, you can do so here.

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