Roar writer Abdus Shaik on what King’s College London students think of students from other universities.
Disclaimer: This article has been written to make KCL students laugh. Students from other institutions are not allowed to read this article and if they are to lay their eyes on this, the writer (i.e moi) is not to be harmed in any shape or form.
There are twenty-four Russell Group Universities in the UK, and as a loyal KCL student, I believe that it is my right to counter an article produced by The Tab on what students from other Universities think of KCL students.
In order to learn more about how the KCL student body reacts when they hear about students from other universities, I surveyed students and staff at different KCL buildings and asked them (well, begged… and interrupted them while they were seriously writing essays, even though term is basically over, but they needed to give me that judgemental stare just because I’m trying to defend my University) what they thought of the twenty-four Russell group Universities. Here is what I found.
Before we start, some students from King’s said that they didn’t want to be a part of this and that KCL is the one that needs to be roasted… I genuinely hope you flop your exams this year.
- University of Birmingham: Physically massive! But inevitably insignificant… (anonymous, anon degree)
- University of Bristol: Do you always call people “love” when you talk to them? Did your dad buy you a Lamborghini for finishing your essay the night before the deadline by asking the poorer students to do it for you? Or are you a broke student who complains about how your posh peers use words that you don’t even understand? Yep, you’re the bristle on this list…
- University of Cambridge: So beautiful, and they are more likely to do research and do debates… (a foreign student) Let’s see what a local student has to say: You’re rich, You show off your goods over text, but you suck in bed xoxo. (anon, Psychology)
- Cardiff University: Wait, Cardiff is a Russel group? (Sam, Sociology)
- Durham University: Wow… For the first time in forever, a University came into existence so that it could accept rejects from another University. Your posh suits and accent won’t bring you a Classics degree from Oxford hun x. (anon whose ex was from Durham)
- University of Exeter: How do you find the time to study? Aren’t you busy being racist, homophobic, anti-semitic, sexist and Islamaphobic online? (a member of staff)
- University of Edinburgh: You didn’t get into uni down here… Go, go up there. (anon)
- University of Glasgow: Edinburgh rejects… but go ahead and play posh, and believe that Glasgow is the better uni anyway. (anon)
- Imperial College London: Do you even get food to eat? you poor lab rat… (Antonia, Business Management (expert))
- University of Leeds: Oh, Leeds? They LOVE drugs! They go to Leeds for the drugs! (Emily, “I don’t want to disclose my degree”)
- University of Liverpool: I thought you said you had tshe best nightlife? Oh, and all of the girls on Insta from there are blonde? (anon, Comp Sci)
- London School of Economics and Political Science: of course, LSE stands for lowest standard of education, (Guillaume Proffit, History and IR)
- University of Manchester: They take pride in wearing their pyjamas to 9 AMs and shagging in the library at 2 in the morning just because they think it’s cool to do so when they have an essay to submit in two hours. (anon, History)
- Newcastle University: London students who went there because the requirements were low, they wanted to move away from their annoying mum and they wanted a good nightlife. You also got in via clearing. (A member of staff)
- University of Nottingham: I had a friend I met on whisper who told me that they called it “Hottingham” or “Notts is Hotts”, or something like that? I realised she was right when she invited me to her flat the day after. (The guy who shagged Emily from Notts)
- University of Oxford: Their posh accents can be used for audible podcasts. So soothing… Oh, but they can’t use their thick heads to write the content. (anon)
- Queen Mary University of London: You’re good, but not good enough. (Sarah, Comparative Literature)
- Queen’s University of Belfast: They drink too much. (A person who drinks a lot, History)
- University of Sheffield: I hope your performance isn’t as bad as your football teams (the polite Masters student who was working at Franklin Wilkins Library, if you see this, please send me an email). It was less of a campus, more of a prison. They literally taught us in porter cabins. It was just dead. I would love to insult the place, but there is so little to say. (Lewis, Politics and International Relations, ex-Sheffield student soon to be King’s student).
- University of Southampton: It’s great if you’re Engineering, and that’s it. (Rebecca, Climate Change PhD student)
- University College London: Arrogant, they basically fill up UoL accommodations. Their professors do not care about them, and that is the only reason why they are rivals with King’s. They are not a university, they are an organizational mess. (Antonia, Business Management (expert))
- University of Warwick: Isn’t that in Coventry but in the middle of nowhere? Why does it look like a prison? Is that why all of their students are pervy?
- University of York: You went to York because the requirement was BBB, it’s literally that simple. (Emily, “I don’t want those wankers to find me so I’ll keep that info with myself”)
Well, my fellow KCL students, I sincerely hope that non-KCL students do not find this article, but I do not fear for my life. I shall write and express myself in writing in order to defend my family.