Maughan Hub is a series of articles written by KCL’s Comedy Society members, published on Wednesdays. We hope they entertain you wherever you are!
Welcome to the Villa, Islanders! What’s in store for this season of Love Island? We have all the usuals: Instagram models, “entrepreneurs”, a bunch of contestants who are all somehow from Essex, the one girl everyone slags off for no reason who will spend the rest of her life paying for this experience in therapy instalments…but most importantly, this season of Love Island will have the MOST TEARS EVER. So let’s get ready to count down the top 5 places to cry in the Love Island Villa.
- The Fire Pit Where Re-coupling Occurs
This is heartbreak central. Be prepared to shed some tears on national television after reciting a heartfelt speech about someone you only met two hours ago but somehow snogged three hours ago. This crying location is a classic, but too ordinary to make it higher in the list.
- The Pool
Did Chris just speak with another girl or do you just have semen in your eye? Who knows! Either way, the pool is a great place to cry in the Villa – you can hide your sulking underwater. At least the pool can actually make you wet, unlike Chris :///
- The Hideaway
Oh, you thought you were finally going to get some privacy after weeks being constantly recorded while surrounded by the dumbest and hottest people you’ll ever meet in your life? Try again. You’ll still have to smash under the covers in this hideaway, so your sex will be so vanilla it will make you sob. The hideaway gets extra crying points, though, because you get some rose petals and wine to accompany your tears.
- The Girls’ Dressing Room
Are you a literal model who suddenly feels insecure because the most mediocre hairdresser in Manchester didn’t recouple with you? Consider crying in the girls’ dressing room as you change into your twenty-ninth bikini of the day! Don’t worry – all of the other stunning women will comfort you and tell you that you’ll definitely find the love of your life (if they don’t steal him from you first).
- On Your Own In Your Designated Couple Bed.
A+. Incredible. Stunning. Unmatched. The other islanders will shush you as you cry because you broke up with your true love, which in retrospect is weird because it’s not like they have to get up early to go to work? Honestly, I’m not even sure why you’re crying. Those beds look like actual clouds, and you have it all to yourself. No more awkward cuddling with someone who you only picked because they “have good banter” (read: they can interact on a primary school level). Crying or not, sleeping alone in the Villa is pure bliss.