Maughan Hub is a series of articles written by KCL’s Comedy Society members, published on Wednesdays. We hope they entertain you wherever you are!
After an endless and probing investigation, the Mothers Immigrating from Lands Foreign Society (MILFS) has announced their conclusive findings on the origin of the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic: going outside with wet hair.
Maughan Hub met with spokeswoman and founder of MILFS, Wara Jaket, to discuss the society’s findings.
“13 years I’ve been in this country, and every day all I see is wet hair outside! Even in the mornings! I tell my kids they are going to get sick and they tell me that only viruses or bacteria make you sick…well, where do you think those come from? Wet hair!” says Ms. Jaket.
“You think I know nothing? I survived a war back home. These kids, all we tell them to do is dry their hair, bring a jacket, and wear slippers in the house. I walked up a mountain to school everyday and still there was no coronavirus! You know why? Because my hair was dry and my feet were warm.”
When questioned about the methodology employed by MILFS, Ms. Jaket assured Maughan Hub that their numbers were correct, “Here I am a housemaid but in my country I was a doctor. The Covid-19 is either from the wet hair or from the Tik Tok. The kids on the Tik Tok always show their outfits and say they ‘got the drip’. Again, why don’t they just dry their hair?”
Ms. Jaket’s advice for how best to reduce the spread of Covid-19? “We must constantly be equipped with WAP – Warm Anoraks and Ponchos. Our sons and daughters need WAP, for the sake of public health.” Prescient advice indeed.