Maughan Hub: Trump Banned From Keats

Maughan Hub is a series of articles written by KCL’s Comedy Society members. We hope they entertain you wherever you are!

Former President Donald J. Trump’s account has been suspended from Keats. His ban from the module access platform joins his suspensions from numerous other sites, including Twitter, Pinterest, and Spotify.

When defending their decision, King’s College London referred to his repeated breaches of their conduct guidelines. Over the past four years, these have included several 100% plagiarism similarity scores on TurnItIn and joining class forums under the false identity of “QAnon Shaman”.

KCL has received criticism for taking four years to suspend Mr. Trump. However, students surmised that this is the average time taken for a student to receive MCF results. If anything, the university has acted with unprecedented speed.

Our GOP correspondent rigorously checked the notes from his 4AAEA005 English module before calling the decision “Orwellian”. “Breach of conduct? Disciplinary action? Protecting students from Islamophobic and medically inaccurate rhetoric? What kind of oppressive left-wing newspeak is this?” they elaborated. 

The GOP Correspondent went on to gripe about his censorship in primetime slots on the BBC, FOX News, and in an op-ed in the Daily Mail.

“We could handle losing Facebook and Reddit, they don’t have KCL’s Essential Digital Skills Programme” he added. But his inability to turn on his lectures before taking a nap, “that’s a slap in the face of American freedom”.  

It is still unclear whether the ban of the former American President was deliberate, or just the result of yet another Keats glitch.