Welcome to Reggie Responds, Roar’s advice column! Our columnists are here to provide you helpful, or maybe not so helpful, advice. Tune in on Fridays to see what they have to say about your problems.
Q: I’ve recently broken up with my long-term boyfriend. It was not an amicable break-up as I found out that he cheated on me. I really want to move on, but I’m not sure how.
Matthew: Firstly, I have to insist that you take at least a little pleasure in the fact that he has lost you. No matter how you might feel, he is the one who will ultimately suffer going forward. He’s lost his faithful significant other, and that is his problem, not yours.
Whether what you had was special or not (I’m sure it was, I don’t want to undermine that), he didn’t appreciate you as a boyfriend should, and he therefore no longer deserves that position in your life. By letting him go, you are now in the position of power. Allow that power to fuel your ‘recovery.’ You do want to move on, you said that yourself, so enjoy the knowledge that you made a necessary decision, and take that with you.
Moving on from an ex, a long-term one at that, is not easy, but it has to happen. I’m in a long-term relationship myself, and I know a break up (whether amicable or not) would be a tough process, what’s important is you make yourself in control of it. This is your time, not his. You did nothing wrong, and so it is your right to utilise this time in whatever way suits and empowers you. Whether that be reflecting on the experiences you had with him, or completely banishing him from your mind, to start afresh. It’s your journey now, and so it’s your choice.
And whilst I wouldn’t go as far as to say ‘everything happens for a reason,’ in the spiritual ‘destiny’ sense, as I find that a little too optimistic and void of meaning, I do believe that there is a significant reason as to why every single event/moment happens. So many factors in your life led to this exact moment happening, and had you not got together in the first place, you wouldn’t have the memories you’ve presumably made with each other. So please, don’t feel guilty for reflecting and cherishing the relationship, for the lessons it has taught you. Regret nothing, it all has its significance, and that will become clear as the emotional curve begins to flatten in time.
To end, I’d like to apologise on behalf of men, although I assure you we’re not all that bad.
As we approach the end of the first semester, our columnists will be taking a break over Christmas and will return at the beginning of the second semester. Thank you so much for reading our advice column, we hope it entertained you in this last month. Wishing all of you a safe Christmas and a healthy New Year! – Alex and Ally
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Matthew Seaman
